There are a number of flawed thinking patterns the field of psychology refers to as cognitive distortions. A cognitive distortion is a thought that is not based in reality. Thoughts not based in reality create false assumptions, misperceptions, and inaccurate beliefs. False beliefs and lie-based thinking can take many forms. Believing things that aren’t true leads to unpleasant and destructive results. A number of “d” words describe the downfalls that include: deficiencies, deficits, deceptions, divergences, disagreements, dissimilarities, discrepancies, disconnections, disorientations, disorganizations, discontinuations, disorders, and discombobulations in our thinking processes.
Illusional Thinking
Our thoughts are powerful things. What we choose to allow ourselves to think about determines our feelings and behaviors that create or influence future outcomes. Have you ever been fooled by an optical illusion? Something that looks real may not be real at all. Sometimes what we “see” isn’t the reality, but only a superficial representation. In a similar way that optical illusions mis-shape our visual perceptions, we can develop mind illusions that can mis-shape our mental perceptions. We can sometimes develop subconscious patterns of thinking that do not match up with reality. Our brain can fool us into thinking something that is not actually true. When untrue or twisted thoughts are repeated, they form inaccurate, unhealthy, or even dangerous patterns.
Examples:
- All-or-nothing thinking – Everything is thought of in terms of black or white extremes. It omits balanced perspectives. Thinking goes like, “I won’t go to the doctor for help to treat my sickness, because ALL doctors are bad” (or ALL sicknesses are untreatable).
- Over-generalizing – One negative experience or interaction is overlaid onto the entire relationship or situation. Thinking is, “John/ Jane doesn’t love me,” when their spouse does something by accident that irritates them Or, it could involve jumping to conclusions by thinking about quitting a job after a boss corrects a small detail for improvement.
- Minimizing or magnifying – Making too light of good things and dwelling on bad things to much. This could be thinking of yourself as unworthy of a compliment someone gives you (after a job well done), or falling apart emotionally when someone says something bad about you.
- Mind reading – This is assuming something negative about a person or situation without a confirmation of truth. This might look like assuming a friend is ignoring you at a party, without finding out why they are preoccupied for a legitimate reason.
- Disaster predicting – Fortune telling of events toward the negative. This is about thinking in worst case scenarios like concern for losing a job following an excellent review. Or it could be worrying about losing a close friend over a small disagreement.
- Catastrophizing – This is the proverbial “making a mountain out of a mole hill.” A small mistake or misstep becomes an insurmountable problem.
- Emotional reasoning – This amounts to feelings being allowed to rule, feelings leading over facts, or grossly confusing feelings for thoughts. This may explain how a person abandons a relationship with a friend or family member because they didn’t “feel heard,” or “feel understood.” It may also explain abandonment of a successful job or business venture simply because it didn’t “feel right” (and without legitimate reason).
- Consuming regrets – Dominated by would’a, could’a, should’a scenarios. Focused on stories in the past for which nothing can profit the future. This is staying stuck on past event (perhaps an accident that could have seemingly been avoided) which steals vision and hope for the future.
- Victim – Thoughts creating a victim mindset. This can develop into oversensitivity in feelings of impoverishment, underprivilege, or being part of an oppressed class of people. Common losses in life are turned into one of two extremes; inward to perpetual self-pity, or outward toward aggression (eg. when an abused person becomes an abuser).
- Labeling – Stereotyping is common expression of this distortion. This is unnecessarily categorizing another person (or yourself) by singling out an unwelcomed characteristic. You then overlay your assumptions and perceptions onto interactions with other people (or yourself) to “confirm” negative traits like unintelligent, awkward, disrespectful, or unloving.
- Personalizing – This is taking things personal without an objective reason. This is when you take on too much responsibility for another person’s negative reaction(s).
- Projecting – This is transferring thoughts from memories of negative experiences in the past. It may present in things like difficulties relating to a person of the opposite sex because of repeated ill-treatment by people of that sex in earlier years.
- Over-spiritualizing – This is when God is used as a rationalization for something inconsistent with the Bible or common sense of morality. It may look like “God told me __x__” being used to justify something others may find disagreeable. Yes God speaks, but people’s mental processing sometimes distorts God’s speech.
- Trauma-related – Irrational thinking may sometimes accompany the initial impact of a traumatic event. The initial distortion is normal, as it reflects the brain’s function in trying to suddenly deal with “abnormal” circumstances. But much later, getting stuck in the grieving process of the loss in tragedy, it may become a problem. This could be unintentional unawareness of a state of denial for example, or an intentional remaining stuck as part of a victim role.
- Defying logic – This is a sort of “catch all” for twisted thoughts not fitting in categories above. It may also be irrational thinking for the sake of being wreckless or contrarian can become dangerous. This may include vindictive thoughts or thoughts meant to harm themselves or someone else.
Relationships Suffer
Not only do thinking patterns create behaviors for an individual, but that individual’s behavior and habits directly effect their interactions with other people. Distorted thinking may shape a person’s expectations for other people to think and see their world, to match their own distortions. Instead of healthy differentiation, they seek to control. They think everyone should think with the same distortions, and agree with them in the same distorted conclusions they have drawn. They impose a distortion(s) on others’ minds. For example, this happens when a third party is involved, and a person distorts (misinterprets) the failure of Friend A’s failure to say hello as disrespectful when they entered a room, and then gets mad at Friend B who doesn’t agree that disrespect was shown by Friend A’s actions (regardless of the fact that Friend A had an emergency situation that demanded their immediate attention).
Another example of how a person can impose distorted thinking on another, is with mind reading. This can occur when a person takes offense at a relatively small unintentional action from a friend or family member, and then expects the “offender” should have known that would have hurt them. Refusing to reconcile (try to make things right) without the perceived offense being recognized and confessed to, without the distorter thinker telling them what caused the offense, is an irrational expectation. Most conflict in relationships is caused by one or both parties’ distorted thinking.
Cognitive distortion is a huge topic, and more than can be fully discussed here. I recently encountered two books each devoting a chapter to the topic, for reading more about cognitive distortions. One Is Frank Viola’s Hang On, Let Go: What to Do When Your Dreams Are Shattered and Life Is Falling Apart, and the other is Debra Fileta’s Are You Really OK?.
A common thread running through these distortions is overthinking. Getting too much into the mind, and not acknowledging the heart, leads to cognitive constipation. Knowing the “why,” and knowing the right things is not enough. However, “distorted knowing,” that is, believing the wrong things (inaccuracies), can be even more destructive. This condition can contribute to a wall (barrier) that keeps the heart from being able to receive truth. Another way of describing this is when “defense mehanisms” are so strong, genuine communication cannot really happen.
Judgments at Root
Cognitive distortions are usually the raw material for bitterness and condemning judgments. They happen frequently. and sometimes so automatically, we rarely notice until we intentionally trace the “fruit” (behavior) to the “root” (thinking and feeling). The way to combat these distortions that prohibit healthy thinking, is to focus on truth. Truth is the cure for “stinking thinking.” Getting to the root of things and focusing on truth are topics I address in other articles.
May we be honest enough with ourselves to, first, admit that our own thinking is not always free of distortions. Secondly, may we yield to an inner transformation process that intentionally thinks and acts based on truth and not falsehood. “Surely You desire integrity in the inner self, and You teach me wisdom deep within” (Psalm 51:6). The Psalmist recognizes this as wise, and part of our Creator’s desire for our whole-hearted living. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6). May we yield to the Holy Spirit who leads us into all truth; and clear, undistorted thinking.
